Tonight I'll show you how dreams are prepared

Tue, 20 Feb 2007 04:26:12 GMT

Scratch everything Ive been saying,kinda

things change and change and change and well
New Chapter
New journal

Im not in college yet, but I'm moving on before hand, just to get an early start on my slef improvement

so add it once i make it

<3
update

ADD IT NEW ONE all_those_ships
unless you dont care
then dont add it
and go fuck yourself

ciao

i hate being sad and telling everyone about it-but i will anyway!

Sun, 18 Feb 2007 18:14:24 GMT

i'm a wreck

and i have a tummy ache
and a job

and I want my car
and my cat
and my friends
and a bf to care for me
and take care of me
and be there for me
and understand me
and forgive me
and stick by me
and make efforts
and occasionally put me before himself
like I try to do for other people
and to not be fairweather and fickle
and to try to see things my way
and to make attempts not to hurt me
and to realize what hes doing to me
and to try to fix things
and to want to make me happy
and cares when I'm not
because that's what love is

but
apparently Im DAMN NEEDY
and I have disgustingly unrealistic and outlandishly retarded expectations

I was SOOO happy not that long ago, things were great with everyone and I could drive and then I got into Flagler and everything was looking up and i wanted exploration and adventure and i was inspired and creative and I kept getting enlightened and having little epiphanies and i wanted to help people

and now i'm the one that needs help
and I dont know what happened
ERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
I'm more frustrated than sad, frustrated at my discontent, and then frustrated that im frustrated and BAH

ok thats all journal
peace out lj
=/

Mama said there'll be days like this

Sat, 17 Feb 2007 03:02:48 GMT

Everything has been horrible, just horrible
from bad to worse to worse and worse

The only thing I've taken comfort in has been that concerned caring sound in a few of my friends voices and those silly little things, honest efforts and kind gestures to make me feel better.

It feels really good to feel cared about by some friends
But it feels worse to feel not cared about at all by some others

= /

le sigh

and in the words of a opening theme to a superman related teen WB show
SOMEBODY SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAVE ME

Sun, 11 Feb 2007 05:27:30 GMT

THANKS FRIENDS FOR STICKING UP FOR ME AND MY ANGER:) <3

i hate drama

i hate feeling like shit

and being mad

i like the person from the last entry again

lol

but as we can see, everyone, dont offend me or else youll get one angry entry

note to all overly judgemental "friends"

Sat, 10 Feb 2007 00:38:35 GMT

This is my journal

I vent

when i am in the heat of the moment from a certain situation (that you know nothing about) and feel like posting a big long angry speeel, then thats my perogative,and I FUCKING WILLLLLLLL I am human, you dont know exactly what is going on in my life or relationship so dont assume you do(from both perspectives anyway) or taht i dont have good reason for my feelings and then talk shit about me and pass judgement on me like you KNOW ANYTHING, you want to judge me from one angry VENT in MY JOURNAL about a situation you KNOW NOTHING ABOUT then dont read my fucking journal and if you do dont go talking about me to people i care about and try to make me look bad or make them question me, its not your place and you can just chill the fuck out and maybe think that i have many reasons for the things i do so say or get frustrated about and Im not crazy for reacting the way I do and you have no room to think anything about it without knowing my side or why ive said what ive said. Youve never been frusrated over many things built up and decided to write it down not caring that your "friends" see cause its how you are feeling, as long as i havent gone out and said it to anyone or done anything to anyone, you have no room to judge. you think you know so much, you DONT KNOW SHITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

and for the ocassion that this is my journal of my feelings --I really dont like you,havent for a while, and i could vent on all the reasons why but i wont waste my breath. too bad. some boys are biased two-faced know it all ignorant shit talking dicks and suckkk

ANS

Thu, 08 Feb 2007 22:16:08 GMT

Anna nicole smith died today

weird,

and as little as she did for anyone, i think its sad
first her kid and now her
she was 39

speaking of death
I came home to a murder scene today
there was a fish massacre, Elliot, Melissas cat had murdered all of jens fish and I had to find their water all over and their little fish corpses on the floor when I walked in. I think i'm traumatized.
:(

and on my way home about 10000 people tried to kill me via vehicular manslaughter

Wed, 07 Feb 2007 01:07:26 GMT

apparently EVERYONE wanted to piss me off today.

Bah humbug.

so

Thu, 01 Feb 2007 21:52:04 GMT

I GOT INTO FLAGLER!
and the Graphic Design program
:D!

CELEBRATION

Thu, 01 Feb 2007 04:04:50 GMT

YAY ILAN WON TOP CHEF !!
HES SO CUTE TOO<3

ps check out my awesome tattoo designing skilllsss

my sweet ass work on Mimi HERE

mildly self righteous philosophical epiphany mumbo jumbo full of cliches and corny expressions:

Wed, 31 Jan 2007 21:17:09 GMT

So yesterday, as Ive told some, was totally fate!
First, I had to drive to school but I have no spot and got a $10 ticket for parking where I used to (elem lot) SO I planned to park in tandum.

I was late, like always, but extra late, and when I approached TAndum, there were NO CARS -- and usually there is quite a bunch. SUSPICIOUS... so I go on and park in the semi boondocks of Publix.
THEN I hear in 2nd that ALL CARS PARKED IN TANDUM WERE TOWED!!! bah!
sooo close.. that woulda SUCKED

later I went to bed mega early and arose with a sudden jolt of energy at 1030, flipped about the TV to find that The Motorcylcle Diaries was on! GAEL movie in case you didnt know, and my night was complete. And as I watched Che pity the indiginous people of south american counrtries and help out the lepers I was moved.. and there was a line I really liked

"How is it possible to feel nostalgia for a world I never knew? "

I almost get what he means, and more so I WANT to feel what he means. I am so serious when I say I want to travel, and not just "nice" places. I want to go to Mexico, in all it's "scummy" or "dirty"ness. Honestly. I am fasinated with other cultures and I dont feel like I have truly lived till Ive experienced what the world has to offer. How can I appreciate where I live if I've never been anywhere else, and how can I respect or understand other cultures if Iv'e never known or experienced them?

Im exited to get into college and become stable enough to do all I have planned for myself.
I'm anxious to live in a sense.

Carpe Diem is right.

Part of me would love to settle down and have a family(per say) and go to work everyday and come home to a bf or husband go out to plays and shows and movies and coffee and resturants and play games and talk and shop and get my hair done and get a puppy and have girl's nights and cook and paint and sew and read and relax and watch TV and swim and tan and EVERYTHING.

But I want to experience what the world has to offer and I want to understand more and live fully without regret and I also want to help people, like ACTUALY, and be enlightened and WAHTEVER. know what I mean? I know this sounds like maybe typical or like self righteous BS or like something everyones says, but like REALLY, i swear im sincere and how can i not be?. I dont how I can do it all but I will find a way cause honestly you only live once(maybe) so why waste it? Can you imagine the experiences and knowledge the whooolleee world has to offer?
Its amazing
Im anxious
and completely determined/.

PS i told tim I wanted our senior project to be "sprint for darfur" and I hope everyone participates because there is genocide going on right how and ive found an outlet to help, and we can. I dont like to force my agendas or feelings on others, but how can you not want to help knowing whats going on? Its not america, and africa, and it's not us and them, it's the world and it's everyone. They arent americans but they are people. what is america? its politics and "border"lines I personally feel that we have a duty as a member of the HUMAN race to give a shit, and if you dont then I feel sorry for you most of all. And i also know that you cant save everyone and there is a lot of death and problems to be addressed, but genocide is one of the most sick cynical and wrong of all the worlds problems and the most tragic to sit around about.

I doubt many read that, but it helps me to write/type how I'm feeling when Im feeling it./ My journal isnt very fun, concise or exciting and is rarely short and cryptic like we all love

anyway, see yall

for school

Tue, 30 Jan 2007 23:06:46 GMT

Tue, 30 Jan 2007 01:44:34 GMT

Parallel Synchronized Randomness

Sat, 27 Jan 2007 21:53:24 GMT

UGH

apparently I cant really rely on anyone/ how did I not see this coming
commercial.?... joke

Wed, 24 Jan 2007 04:13:36 GMT

Pan's Labyrinth was totally amazing like unbelievably amazing.

and so was Amores Perros

and so goes my decision that..

I fucking LOVE mexican(/latin) cinema.

and

I decided that.. for sure

Alejandro González Iñárritu, Alfonso Cuarón and Guillermo del Toro(all good friends) are HANDS DOWN some of my all time favorite directors. Mainly the former cause del Toro I'm only truly impressed with Pan's Labyrinth but that movie was amazing enough to put him on my list. I can't wait to see Babel(Inarritu) and I'm sure I'll love it as much as I loved his Amores Perros, and Alfonso Cuaron's list of works is awesome, Y tu mama tambien, Children of Men, Harry Potter 4, A little Princess ! I fuckingLOVE THIS GUY

okay I'm done being nerd

<3ps Gael is also one of my ALL TIME favorite actors I was put over the edge with Amores Perros hes just awesome, and im not just saying this cause hes hotter than anything, he honestly is an awesome actor you all should watch him. Hes been just awesom ein every movie ive seen with him

Mon, 22 Jan 2007 21:42:32 GMT

ok so today ive worked on catching up in marine science some more, ive researced things for our partner poetry thing for bono, ive made my grandma get me midol for my rando killer cramps and a smoothie for my smoothie addiction, and have been applying a constant coat of lip balm for my retardly paindully chapped lips.

and amist all these wonderful things ive also reflected on my love for Pan's Labyrinth and my ever growing excitement for the oscars!(though they rarely recognize all the truly great movies) and after melissa having mentioned it, i definitely want to have an extravagant Oscar party!

Theres lots of ideas online and polls and bets on winners will be so fun and like snacks and itll be really formal like the real Academy awards and i can decorate etc and of course all FC members are invited and then all the other important people. There can be prizes and whatnot too.I think itll be really cute and I have all these ideas! Its not till march but heres a heads up. Its on a sunday so do your homework early and tell your parents that you will be out mildly late (11) on a school night cause its important, its the oscars!

I have closer things to worry about however i was inspired.

I cant bring myself to write a decent essay for all these stupid scholarships and i can focus on my homework for more than 2 minutes at a time.

I feel icky from exhaustion and stupid girl time. I did too much this weekend and my period is pissing me off. AND my voice keeps going scratchy and my lips are like soo freaking chapped! lol. I wanted my bf to come over and tickle my back and make me feel better and tell me not to stress out and that everything is okayb (cause i always freak out over stuff once a month and like have a break down haha) but my mommy is really pissed at me adn hates kyle and wont let him come near me when i dont feel good cause if kyle comes over then i must fell okay?

and she is like randomly suspicious of me and like thought i had kyle in my room last night or somethng? and was all "what were youdoing last night, i heard something, why is your door locked"even though i ALWAYS sleep with my door locked cause i sleep in my underwear and even though I drove me and mol and ky to the movies and i brought kyle home from the movie at H20 at like 1030 and came straight home by myself and went straight to bed...so my mom is freaking insane and just likes to give me a hard time. Andis constantly thinking im trying to sneak around and do things? like honestly i dont even know what she thinks.

It must be hard having a kid who doesnt do drugs or lie or sleep around or get drunk every night, my poor mom, im such a freaking hooligan, coming home at 11 and sleeping.
shes so crazy sometimes, she gives me more stomach aches than anything.

She knows im stressed out and she HAS to make everything harder.
She honestly drives me insane sometimes.
she has nothing better to do than play paranoid nancy drew psycho on my ass.
she is SO CRAZY
ITS MAKING ME CRAZY

mama mia!

Wed, 17 Jan 2007 20:09:36 GMT

I've finally decided to embrace my ethnicity.
I dont care that i look ethnic-y, I dont mind being Italian anymore. Why fight it. All cultures are pretty cool, and they all have their uglies and pretties.

mobster movies kickass, and some of the coolest actors are italian, and Italy is pretty,. and we are loud and cook and have big families and well .. I'm Italian.

The kid from Chile in my Marine Science class told me I looked like I was from Chile.
I can add Chilean to my list of ethnicities I can pass for. haha

Spanish
Brazillian
Italian
Greek
Chilean
etc

Basically most spanish speaking counrties.

clubbin in ybor

Sun, 14 Jan 2007 16:14:46 GMT

hahahahahhhahaha kayla being hunped by some creepers
so worth the trip
love you kayla

Sat, 13 Jan 2007 05:12:22 GMT

:( somehow I knew I couldnt trust you, now I cant trust you, I totally expected this but somehow i didnt, i was hopeful , and things were going so well. Im really dissapointed, upset, and frankly reluctant about our futrure and your character.
le sigh

inspired

Thu, 11 Jan 2007 01:47:15 GMT

"There's not a liberal America and a conservative America - there's the United States of America."

<3

reminds me of how Id like to say to all the rednecks.. There's not a Southern America or Confederate States of America and a Northern America or Rest of America - There's the United States of America. UNITED. NORTH AND SOUTH. SINCE 1865! UNITED.. WITH THE UNITED FLAG WE HAVE A FREAKING FLAG
UNITED STATES OF AMERICA
Rednecks are the LEAST patriotic people ever

whew

Anyway
bye

Wed, 10 Jan 2007 00:49:38 GMT

still dont have a fourth period(really)
bah

i missed my guidence appointment

anyway I want this Book called Bohemian Manifesto

I also want to read Barack Obama's book, anyone read it?

I'm watching Grease You're the One that I Want broadway contest thing, lol. I want to see Top Chef.. isnt on tilll 11
blah

uh
I have a lot of scholarship stuff and whatnot, oh boy

Boyfriend's birthday went well though=)
Busy Weekend scheduled

well

peace all

I'm Freakin' out Man

Tue, 09 Jan 2007 02:43:51 GMT

bahhhh

1. Sorry i didnt do what I said i was going to do but I know that the fuck you was directed to me(at least partly), you arent subtle. Dont say you understand if you dont. Right now, i have better things to do than help or humor someone who clearly doesnt even like me all that much.

2. Tomorrow is Kyle's 20th birthday and im pressed for time to get a bunch of shit done for that and THAT is what I'm going ot do now and probably till late.=(

3. Stupid fucking mail seems to have lost my Flagler App that i spent soooooooo much time and energy on freaking out and making it perfect, sent it out dec 26th and they still havent gotten it, just my luck, next i'll be fucking towed. Deadline is the 15th but I'm still really pissed I may have to do it again. ARGHHHHHHHHHHHH maybe its a sign that I wont get in:(

4. I miss my best friend Molly very much and I whole heartledly take all that you have said and I think it was very big of you and even though you dont hold it against me, having been really mad and all, I of course feel bad for having said anything really mean to you. We defintely need to talk , and its sad that we have such little time before colleges and whatnot, no use wasting it being mad if we understand eachother. Grudges are lame, as angry as we (mainly I) were, definitely not worth our friendship.

5. SO MUCH GOING ON, SO MUCH TO DO, SO LITTLE TIME, EVEN LESS MONEY:(

hire me Blockbuster!

peace

WHY

Wed, 27 Dec 2006 18:09:36 GMT

why why why why why do i feel so stressed on break
why do i feel like im failing at being a friend and a girlfriend and an individual
I cant keep everyone happy and keep myself happy
I feel trapped, something really is bothering me and its causing problems but talking about it will cause problems, i really dont like it, its really freaking me out and making me sad.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

A PLAGUE O' BOTH YOUR HOUSES!

lol
dramadramatraumadramaANGST

Flagler Essay

Fri, 22 Dec 2006 07:12:14 GMT

Shall be sent out tomorrow hopefully
this is the final draft unless a writing inclined person would like to critique it for me
so please read i wont be offended, i might not use what you say, but I'd like to hear something anyway, i want it to be perfect im really nervous=/

so Here it goes

promt was something like, tell us something about you past experiences present and future goals and how flagler college fits into those goals
note i want in the graphic arts program

ok

Toto, I Don’t Think We’re in Venice Anymore
Elaine Christina Damasco

    I am seven. The only time I reach for a Granny Smith Apple instead of a Pixie stick is when it’s from my sixty-four box of Crayolas: Razzle Dazzle Rose, Tickle Me Pink (and coloring does just that . ) and Goldenrod– my favorite because it reminds me of the Wizard of Oz. I color, and I am happy. After I add my finishing touches of Fire Engine Red and Robin’s Egg blue; wide-eyed, tongue out, thrashing away like an elementary Jackson Pollock– my picture comes alive– and so do I. “Daddy, Daddy! Look!” I display my new masterpiece, stubby arms reaching high, up at his gruff face, mine beaming with accomplishment and satisfaction. The novelty of my once striking ability in art, must have worn off (probably after Masterpiece Number Gajillion) because he just takes it– never to be seen again, by me. . . and certainly not by him. I still color.
    I am ten. I draw, I color and I am inspired. “Very nice.” Mommy says, dismissive. She takes my piece, half-heartedly– It won’t get a chance at even a one week fridge-hang this time. Blown off as a passing fad and typical propensity, the parental units don’t exactly support my artistic endeavors in all seriousness. I am not discouraged.
    I am twelve. I paint, I draw, I color and I am passionate. “Art is just a hobby.” “What are you going to be. . . a starving artist?” “There’s no money, no future, in art.” I take my markers, paints, and my sixty-four box of Crayolas, and stow away to my room to do what matters most. With my favorite, Goldenrod, I color a yellow path– but it does not lead to Law or Medicine like my family wishes. I pursue my art.
    I am seventeen. I snap photographs, I use charcoal and gesso, pastels– I paint, I draw, I color and I am determined. “Great portfolio Elaine.” “Nice work.” They believe in me now, but I always have. They thought I was talented, but I knew I was destined. Over the years I may not have needed the support of Tin Man and Toto to get where I am, but I am at a fork in the yellow brick road. I feel accomplished but there is a long way to Emerald City– I now need the right community and education to foster my talents, further my abilities and achieve my goals of being happy and successful in my career and life. I feel in my nerve, brain, and heart, that Flagler College will elicit my fullest potential and guide me into being a more knowledgeable, intellectual, enlightened and well rounded individual prepared for the road to follow. I know Flagler’s noteworthy Graphic Arts program, tight knit community, intimate class sizes, and beautiful atmosphere are the crayons I need to finish my coloring–and when I click my ruby heels, I am thinking “There’s no place like Flagler...”

MErry Christmas time

Wed, 13 Dec 2006 19:03:37 GMT

Mon, 11 Dec 2006 22:16:14 GMT

I might get a Wii for christmas yay! i'm reluctant cause I know that I'll do less homework and leave my hous less and well lose all social lifage all together, oh and waste money on games constantly, BUT i think i want one anyway=)
I put it on my list in case mommys got an extra 250 to spare or i could make her get it for me but i would get little else. but idk, she probably wont be able to get a hold of one anyway and would have to get me like a gift card with 250 or so on it from gamestop or something so i can get it when it becomes available. IDK I REALLY NEED A JOB I CANT BUY ANYONE ANYTHING CAUSE I HAVE ZERO DOLLARS AND NO JOB I AM VERY SORRY AND UNLESS I GET A JOB VERY SOON I CANT GET ANYONE ANYTHING:(:(:(:(:(:( unless i break into my tattoo money(since i still havent gotten the nerve to get one) which isnt actually much money anyway, its just a few from my bday, so tahts probably what ill do but its basically nothing anyway BAH I HATE BEING BROKE i applied to pier 1 again now that im 18 and i gotta go back to target and check that shit even though that seems less adn less appealing to me. I want to apply to Sally's, i will as soon as i get the chance. okay im just ranting now , have a good day all. If you want to see a movie with me, CALL ME i have 1000000000000 movies to see, I HAVENT SEEN MOVIES LATELY WHATS WRONG WITH ME
peace